Let the record show that on November 22, 2015 I, Mariela, reached my weight loss goal!
Did you hear that? I REACHED MY GOAL WEIGHT! That is 68lbs GONE!
Gone and absolutely never, NEVER, EVER coming back.
I started my weight loss journey in May 2015. I was my heaviest ever and I felt it everywhere.
I didn't always used to be big, I would say I was average with a good enough dose of physical activity to keep me at a good place. I really liked the way I used to look. Then somewhere in between junior and senior year of college I gained some weight. "Freshmen 15" is an understatement. It was more like "you just gained 35lbs in a semester and you need to chill the fuck out". But I didn't know how to make better choices. Eventually, the stress with school, the sorority, my (at-the-time) relationship and being 400 miles away from home really took a toll on me. I couldn't even begin to start working on myself even if someone handed me a step by step manual. At that point I just didn't know how to be happy. In the end, I left school and gained even more weight. Eventually the weight gain stopped. It didn't mean that I had any weight loss- I just remained at the weight I was; fat. However, I had moved back to NYC (where my legs where my main source of transportation- I walk everywhere) and little by little I started to feel okay with my inner-self and wanted to go out more.
On the inside, my inner demons were battling with depression and slowly winning. Major improvement in my life. Going to church, praying daily and keeping faith may seem cliché to some but, that's how I maintained control of depression. It's how I maintained control of ME. On the outside however, the mirror won each and every time. My clothes were tight and not fitting properly, I thought I looked a mess, going shopping was never a favorite of mine (even before the weight gain) but, now I dressed it. Every time I'd talk to my mother she'd somehow find a way to mention that I've gained too much weight and say that she'd want to see me the way I looked before, when I was "skinny". I want to start by saying that many of the women in my family are vain (Sorry! Not sorry!) and only care about appearances. I can't blame them, they grew up always hearing that a woman needs to be presentable for her man, she needs to be sexy, she needs to cook and clean. So I took her remarks and everyone's else's with a grain of salt. Because I knew I was never going to be that woman who did shit to appease to any man. I knew I was worth so much more than the way I looked; I'm intelligent, know how to read construction plans, can apply engineering calculations and, can manage any construction project thrown my way. But those comments still hurt. They cut. Yes, I was big but, I am still that girl with the same heart and love.
Eventually I said enough. I told myself I would start going to the gym. The local gym near my house was having a promotion; $99 for a year. A year! How can you go wrong with that? Plus, it was open 24hrs, it was walking distance from home- really no excuses. So I went & registered. I paid the fee, took a tour around the gym, the lady who took care of me told me to come pick up my ID in a week. One week but, I didn't go. Ever. I kept telling myself I would go but, truth of the matter was that I was too lazy. Months and months went by and I would walk past the gym when ever I'd go to the bank and keep on walking. But hey, at least I was walking!
It might of been intimidation but, I just couldn't be on a machine. I missed the freedom of the north country (where I went to school). I wanted to get in a river and kayak, I wanted to go hiking and ice skating. I wanted to take a long camping vacation. I figured something about myself along the way, I am a bit outdoorsy and I like it. So, I began to jog a little; head phones in, music in my ears and I felt the freedom I was missing. Summer of 2014 I gave myself a new challenge: run across every bridge connected to NYC. It might of been the excited bridge-designer-wanna-be in me but running across those bridges was exhilarating. I would look at the suspension cables and automatically think about the torque and tension keeping this bridge from collapsing into the Hudson River.
And then, I met a boy. A boy who enjoyed to constantly eat out at restaurants. And that healthy kick of making smoothies and going to buy fresh fruits and vegetables every weekend died. This said boy drove everywhere because when it came to taking the MTA he just "wasn't about that life". Of course I was hanging out with him all the time so, the constant walking I was proud of barely was there. I went from walking an average of 25,000 step on a regular day to barely walking 4,000 steps. Eventually we moved in together - to the Bronx out of all crazy places! I didn't completely feel safe in the neighborhood I was in and the night runs that used to cleanse my soul never happened. I gained 30lbs during the time I was with him. I was at my absolute heaviest weight ever. EVER! I didn't feel attractive, lost all sexual drive, lost my confidence, felt isolated from the world, missed my family and friends, and I stopped going to church. The more I realized how out of touch I was with myself the angrier I became.
Eventually, I started going to the gym. I logged in all my meals. I began to food prep. I started going out during my lunch time to walk around the neighborhood and get extra steps. I became super engaged in
MyFitnessPal. I found a platform where I could be honest about my weight, my sadness, my willingness to try and received the most amazing support. Although the boy was supposed to be on this fitness change with me - he still enjoyed to go out to eat; okay, I looked for light options, lower calorie dishes, or just portioned out my meals so I'll have something for the next day. When he was eating cookies in bed I walked to the kitchen and got an apple. I started making my
shakes again; full of green vegetables and fruits. I went out and bought a weight watchers cookbook - and making meals in the kitchen was fun again!
Somewhere along the way my boyfriend and I broke up. Many people thought I was trying to get a "revenge body" after the breakup. No, that was not the case. I was so sad while I was with him and I couldn't figure out why. Yes, we broke up but I was not about to let that stop me from doing what I wanted to do. I kept going to the gym. Kept speed walking on the treadmill until I was able to run. I finally walked all the damn bridges! And slowly, my happiness creeped back in. And when I saw the results I was getting - forget it, I was hooked to doing good. In August I was
beyond feeling myself with my progress. But, today, after reaching my goal I am just happy. Simply happy. Yes, I think I look amazing as fuck! But, I am so proud at myself for being so determined. For not giving up. For not skipping the gym on evenings when all I wanted to do was go home and forget the shitty conversation I had with the contractor because he closed up walls and there was no way to know if the wall was insulated or fire-rated properly except to knock it down. I gave up alcohol for nearly 6 months! Do you know the times I just wanted to have a glass of wine and relax? But, no thank you. I'll pass. Fast foods like Chinese take-out, pizza hut and, McDonald's became a thing of the past. Saved money in my pockets and lost inches around my waist. It was hard work! But, along the way I found myself and it became a lifestyle I loved. It was disciplined and kept me on schedule - I am a planner so, it all worked out.
Am I stopping here? Absolutely not. I just made another goal. I'm going to keep pushing myself. Settling is not something I ever want to compromise on again. So just wait for my next progress blog - it'll be better. Because I am a better woman today.
Starting Date: May 11, 2015
Staring Weight: 198 lbs
Current Date: November 22, 2015
Current Weight: 129.9 lbs
Yes, you can do it!
<3 Mariela
